Jay's Journal [entries|friends|calendar] Jay [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[27 Nov 2003|01:01pm] well well well, for all that remember, I kinda fell off the planet...and now I'm back!! among_you comment to be added, sorry friends only. I will add you though! stab me

[15 Nov 2002|02:18pm] [ mood | happy ] i am moving out tomorrow (saturday)!!!! i am in such a good mood. i got my car re-registered in my name this morning, then i went and got my insurance started in raleigh. and tomorrow i am getting all my shit and bringing it to chris's house and i am going to live there!! i am so glad to be out of my house. i hope jackie can help me tomorrow. she may have to go to ecu and see it for an open-house with her parents. but if she doesnt i want her to come and help me a bit. she doesnt even have to really do much, i basically just want her to be there is all. me and jackie had lunch at applebees today, although she doesnt really like the food there, we got some quesadeeas (i tried to spell that up but i gave up...oh well, i cant think right now) with only cheese like she wanted and it was yummy. i hope she is feeling better. she said she may give me a call tonight when i get home from work at 9:30 (i get off at 9, but i have to get here and change and what-not). i hope she does. im glad we are hanging out again. i missed her when we didnt talk for a while. then when we started hanging out again, i was happy again, like i was back to the way i used to be, back when things were good and...happy........blah blah blah...i love her...la la...im done...la. oh well...im going to go and take some posters down from my room now. one less thing i will have to do tomorrow. stab me

hmmm [09 Nov 2002|03:24am] [ mood | worried ] i feel bad for some reason. like, i feel bad for amanda because she has had so many bad relationships in her life, too many she thinks and i also think so. but more so than that i feel bad because of what i am thinking about my relationship with jackie. i mean, she seemed to make it clear last night when we talked but for some reason i did not understand, or pick up on when she was telling me. it is like, well, i do not know why i feel bad, but i am just hoping she will not be mad at me or anything for saying the things i wrote before. i only want to know what she meant in the car last night. like i said before - blunt. any other way and i wont get it. it is sad. i just want to make sure i know where we are so i am not being strange and such when i am talking to her. i do not know why i did not get what she was saying, ok i do - lack of sleep. but i felt awake then, although i did know i was tired. i think i even told her that when we were talking and i told her i did not understand and was not picking up on it very quickly at all. and after o wrote that entry, and as i am writing this one, i realized that she was eventually going to read it. may it be already or tomorrow. i have this weird feeling that she did already because when we talked on the phone before she seemed...i do not know...different. like she was thinking about something else. or like she wanted to talk to me about something. or maybe it was because she was tired, which is more likely than the latter reasons. but when i thought about it and realized that she was going to read it, i felt bad...it is like i told her last night - i feel that i should know already but for some strange reason i do not. i do not want her to think that i am stupid, because i am also not as such. i do love her and i want to be with her, and i am pretty sure she feels the same because she has told me so. i just wanted to know if she wanted that now or not. i hope she wants it now but i do not know for sure. i am just confused and worried at the same time. worried that she will think that im being impatient and decide that it is not worth it or something. i would not be surprised. i want to be with her so badly and it would make me so happy if i knew for a fact, (like, one of us asking the other out and the other saying yes...that type of thing), so i am not being worried or confused all the time. oh well. i am going to talk to her tomorrow and i will try to actually say words about this to her so she does not have to read it to find out how i am thinking. but if she does read this first, it will be easier to talk about it as long as i know she has. i hate not being able to talk about things...it is frustrating to me. and i can be open with her...very open with her. more than anybody else i think. but this is different for some reason. i think she will think i am dumb for not understanding her before. and i do not want her to think that because i am not. but i am done writing now because i am being repetitive and that is annoying, not only to me but to others as well. i am sure of this. stab me

aargh and other noises that convey the same feeling... [08 Nov 2002|09:25pm] [ mood | confused ] dear die-ary, (i love JTHM...it is my best friend only not really.....?) hmm...i guess that when i thought i was not confused anymore, i was wrong. i still am. well, i should not say confused. i am more scared and/or frustrated about the situation with me and jackie. she came and saw me at work today at like 8-ish and i was already outside so i stood there and watched her park and put her lighter in her camel pack. then she came over and was all happy because she might be getting her job at the pet shop. then she was telling me that she had to leave at 9 to go see jason...again. it is not that i do not like her seeing him, as a matter of fact i really have no objection to it in the least. the only thing that bothers me about it is that we always get cut short hanging out because she is going to visit him again. it happens all the time and that is why i get confused...and a little sad as well, i suppose. it is just that when she told me that she thought she did not need more time like the said, (and just for the record, i was going on about no sleep so i was not picking up on things very quickly so i may have missunderstood what she was sayin) i took that as her saying that she was ready to be with me and i was happy. then she came over with me to chris's house and we watched a movie and we ended up falling asleep and woke up at like 8 or 9, i can not really remember. i was happy still because she was there, next to me, asleep...chris's alarm was going off for a good 10 minutes or so, so she woke up too. (i hope she did not get in trouble for not going home, but i dont think she did because she was going to see him tonite.....) it is just making me so exhausted trying to figure it out in my head and i am going crazy trying to think about what is going on and how i am supposed to be acting and what i am supposed to be doing...i just wish she would tell me exactly how she feels and what she wants to do, not for the sake of me to feel better but more so she does not have to wonder what is wrong with me and then i have to try and talk to her but i can not seem to find words that sound like what i want them to. i try to say things to her all the time about it, but when i think of what it is that i am going to say, i go blank, like my mind is telling me to shut up and be confused-it is part of your life. i dislike my brain. i dislike it as much as i dislike my parents. and ironically they are the reason why my brain is as fucked up as it is. almost 20 years of mind games and lies and SO MUCH SHIT THAT I HAVE TO DEAL WITH ON A DAY TO DAY BASIS TO THE POINT WHERE I WANT TO CUT MYSELF UNTIL I DO NOT HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT ANYMORE.......i need to smoke... ::goes outside for a while:: .....................................stupid tobbacco. it may calm me down, but it is somewhat cold outside. oh well. i will deal with it. all i know is that i love her and i always have and i just want to be with her and it is tearing me apart not knowing if we are or if we are not or if we ever will...ugh...cheer up emo-kid - i am not emo, they are prescription dammit!...ha ha ha...did not help...nobody knows what that is except maybe cameron and robin, but they may not know either...bleh. anyways, i am going to get ready to go to christine's house and watch her daughter while her and god go out. it will give me time to write in my real journal. and it just occured to me that it will look almost like this one only in my handwriting and with more shit added in that i am not going to put in here. jackie said she may stop by after she gets done with jason......i just wish i knew whet she was thinking. she needs to be blunt with me and tell me what she wants to do. i think i sound like i am whining and being annoying to whomever gets the lovely pleasure to read this entry, but i can not help it. it seemes to have helped me calm down a bit, did not answer any questions, but i did not expect it to. stab me

sleep is good... [08 Nov 2002|10:10am] i had not really gotten any sleep since like 2 days ago, then last night me and jackie stayed over at chris's house(which we were not planning on doing)and i actually got some sleep. and the best part was that i woke up next to her again. i have no idea why that makes me feel as good as it does, but im not complaining about it. i like to be able to wake up and look over and see her there, still asleep. then realize that im cold because she has all of the blanket, but that is fine. ::laughs:: oh well. i think im going to go to school now. im going to get some food first though. take it with me or something. i think i am happy again, and i hope im not just confused again. stab me

the best things in life are not things... [05 Nov 2002|04:16pm] i felt funny today. like things are back to normal, or as normal as i could possibly wish. i am hanging out with jackie a lot more than i have been in the past few months, i am moving out of my house and into chris's house (thats not normal but it will lead to me being happier more often) and cary does not seem to be mad at me. i thought she was for a while because i had not called her that much, so i gave her a call and she did not seem upset. oh well...she did not really seem affected when i told her about jackie, so i doubt she cares anymore. if she wants to not care about me, that is fine. she can do it by herself. i do not need negative, or i should say neutral(because she is not negative nor positive that i can tell) energy around me...i have had too much of that in the short years that i have been on the planet...in this body...trapped in this mind... it hard for me to say that i wont talk to her anymore, which is a lie. i will talk to her, just not in the light that we used to speak in. if she decided that she does not want to give a shit about me, i can not do anything to change that. i do not want to change people. i learned that lesson already... oh well, i will deal in good time. i just hope that the time is not too far off where i can get back to being happy more often. but it does seem to be getting brighter in my mind. im not as depressed as i had been...but maybe that is not a good thing...people need to be depressed once in a while so they do not take advantage of being happy and think that it will never go away. people that think that are wrong. there is no constant thing except that thing come and things go, no matter how much you hate to see them go, they always do. i wish i did not have to see some things go, but that is part of life...part of my life... i just wish that what i have will not leave, but instead evolve into something even better and then have that be the thing that does not leave for a long while. ~ at the edge of the rest of your life at the end of a one way road i was losing everything and tonite may never shine if you never open your eyes i keep this heart right next to mine -the anniversary ~ stab me

hmm... [05 Nov 2002|12:32am] well...lookie what I have found...I have stumbled upon my old journal. I suppose I will start to use it again. Might as well, I have so much shit floating around the internet, I might as well use some of it. But not now...I am going to eat my dinner, seeing as how it is dinner time and all...::walks away to pathetically heat up some frozen food-like substance:: stab me

It is 4-20!!!! [20 Apr 2002|01:10pm] [ mood | sleepy ] Ok, so Im not smoking today...my manager is making me come in to work today, but it's Brian so he may hook me up because of it. He said he was coming in to work blazed, so he may grab a sack for me and Max(I dont like him) and Ian(I think this kid is gay as hell) on his way to work. But on a lighter note, I am going over to Cary's house on Sunday and her friend Miranda said she is going to get me fried if I wanted...and I do...too much shit happening to me lately...emotions that I do and don't want to feel...I'll explain in a minute. And miranda gets some good ass weed, too. I smoked with her and Cary on...Thurs. and Fri. and damn...it was good. Ok, so my moods have been brought on for a number of different reason. One of which is the fucking crackhed motherfucker at school who punched me in my head...that kid is so fucking dead it isnt even funny, and its not even me thats gonna kick his ass. When I was walking with the cop back to his office, I heard about 3 different groups of people talking about how he was going to get his ass kicked after school...and he hasnt been back since(he might have gotten suspended, but Im not sure)...that little bitch...I swear if he swings at me again, he is hitting the ground so hard...::breathes::...ok... Another reason why Ive had my emotions is Cary. I like her a lot, and Im happy...except for the pills. She does pills sometimes. I think shes cut back since we have been going out though, at least that's what I've heard(I've only seen her take I think 2, and thats it, so...). I can handle the weed because I smoke too. The alcohol...I dont know, I think I've learned my lesson on trying to make people stop what they do just because I dont like it......nevermind...she never drinks in front of me so I guess it's ok...well its not, but I can handle it as long as she doesnt get plastered. If she cant remember what happend, then Im going to say something. Thas scary because you have no idea what happened while you were blacked out...I dont understand... And last but not least, Jackie. Im glad she is happy and has somebody...that may not be 100% true, but I am happy for her. But its still there, creeping around the back of my head like a Jackel, just waiting for something...I dont know...she may not like it, but if he does something to hurt her, like physically hurt her...I dont know, Im going to go apeshit(just to clear something up real quick-its not just because its her, if any guy hits a girl and I find out about it, I feel like I have this obligation to do something...its weird but, I dont know. But it's more of a thing with her). But other than that, Im glad shes getting from him what I couldn't give her...at least shes happy again... Which reminds me, I have some stuff at her house I need to get back(ring, ankh...that may be it, can't remember). Ive been meaning to stop there, but every time I drive by, shes not home, so I can't. But Ill stop by when shes home sometime, or maybe she can drop them by here if she wants to, I dont know, Ill talk to her the next time shes online, which seems like never (I shouldnt say that, im barely ever on anymore either, so it may be me)... oh well...that is all that has been new lately...das ende...(im surprised that I can remember some of that stuff, even if i spell it wrong...i never use it, but i still remember most of what she told me, its weird) 1 scar| stab me

[03 Apr 2002|02:51pm] Again I have gone quite a while without writing a little blurb in this pointless online journal. I have come to realize that in here, people read what I write. This does not bother me though. What bothers me is that some people may look at me as mean, or maybe even stupid at times. And it is ok if it is a person I know, because they know that I am, in fact, not as stupid as I portray myself to be in the random ramblings on the late nights that I post when I am too tired to be writing anything, even if it has no meaning to anyone but myself. But I continue to write for no other reason than to have a release of some sort, some way to let people know I am still alive and doing things besides sleeping and attending school, which I loathe with every bit of my body. When I finally get released from my life controlled by teachers, bells, and homework assignments, I may have more interesting things to say. But for now, it is basically the same old shit that you read everyday: Today sucked, I hate school, my job is an insect infested cesspool filled with stomach turning food and assholes around every corner, etc... (Note: I am NEVER eating at Applebees ever again...maybe I will add the wonderful incident which made me change my mind about the food to an entry in the near future, but right now I don't want to think about it) But on a lighter note, Cary and I went to play pool with Jackie the other night. Cary is not the best pool player I have ever seen, but it was ok. Jackie seemed like she had been practicing, but she said that she had not. I am glad Jackie asked us to go, it had been too long since I had last seen her. I hope she got along with Cary. Being a guy a could not tell seeing as how 'all girls hate one another', or so I have heard from the girls that I have talked to. It would be great if they did. I did not ask Cary what she thought of Jackie, but I am sure that she liked her, what reason should she have other than the fact that we used to date? I never understood that 'hatred' of girlfriend/ex-girlfriend. I have seen it quite a bit in the short time that I have been on this planet with a brain that can comprehend such things, and it has never made sense to me. But, I am hoping that there is nothing to worry about, and it would be great if Cary, Jackie, and myself could go and play pool or whatever without incident. That is all I want, everyone that I hold dear to me to get along and be friends. Now, I will go and have a great night at work, which I doubt I will ever succeed in accomplishing. Then I will come home and pass out on my bed, most likely without taking off more than my dirty work shirt, and sleep like a corpse until the dreaded 6:30 alarm goes off signaling the start of another day in jail. 1 scar| stab me

I am verrrrry bored... [27 Mar 2002|07:12pm] [ mood | tired ] I dislike vacations...at least if I'm in school, I have something to do. Now, I sit around my house watching tv and walking the trails at Hemlock Bluffs and the nature reserve by Jordan Lake(can't recall the name right now, but it doesn't really matter)...the trails are nice though. Yesterday I went to the Jordan Lake trails (this is what I shall call them until I can get the actual name) and there was nobody else except me on the trails, it was very peacefull...and those trails are really thick too, unlike the Hemlock Bluffs trails. Those are so open and thin, it just doesnt have the forest feel to it, like they cleared the woods first. the Jordan Lake trails are so thick, I couldnt even see 10 feet into the woods around me...very relaxing...and the trails are practically non-existant...more like paths, barely anything to go by except these trail markers along the side of the trail and every once in a while there is a bench. I saw deer tracks too...I don't think I was supposed to go off the 'trail', but I didnt see why I couldnt to see if I could get some good shots. So I was walking through the woods and I come across this watering-hole type thing, and I looked around and there were footprints in the mud, like roundish and in 4's. I was going to hang around to see if they were going to come back, but I assumed that they were not and kept walking. I ended up back at my car, so I took that as a sign to leave. Then I came home and was going to go to the premier of 'The Rookie'(I got tickets to see it early), but when I got there it was full already..."number of tickets passed out exceeds seating capacity of theatre"...how stupid is that shit...oh well. Then at like 12:40 or so, Cary called and pissed off my dad because he needs his beauty sleep(he's way behind already, so I don't see the point), but I didnt care, I never do. Then I was about to fall asleep when her phone died, so I didn't have to let her go so I could sleep...I don't care for the whole falling asleep on the phone thing. Except for 1 exception, other than her, I dislike it...I take it as a sign of boredom and I feel bad...which is why there is the exception, we had an understanding that this was not the case, so it was ok. Oh well, time to go to sleep before I pass out from being too tired to type anymore and my brother walks and and sees me slumped over the keyboard...g'nite all... stab me

"you cant be anal-retentive if you dont have an anus" [15 Mar 2002|02:03pm] [ mood | blah ] Although I like not having to go to school, today I wish I could. Cary isn't home so I cant call her...but if we were at school I could at least write back and forth to her, seeing as how my teacher is an anal-retentive prick and hates "off-task work"...oh well. I'll talk to her on moday at the latest...bleh...maybe we can go and do something on suday night cuz I dont have to work... Fuck work, I'd call in work and tell them that I'm ::cough cough:: sick ::cough::, but I've done that before and I still owe them a favor... blessed be... stab me

and its the kind i smoke too... [15 Mar 2002|01:58pm] You're a laidback kind of person - the type who tends to get along with everyone. You can be smoked by just smokers of just about any other brand. Your own smokers however, won't touch anything but you. Find out what cigarette you are. Take the Cigarette Test byGirlwithagun stab me

ahhh......(good ahh, not bad...more calm...nevermind) [14 Mar 2002|03:11pm] [ mood | content ] Well, I think today was a very good day for me. I followed my instinct and decided to ask Cary out...she said yes. After that, it was like I didnt care I was at school, it was only one period and I usually sleep anyways cuz Im a TA, but whatever. It sux though, I couldnt see her again for the rest of the day cuz she had to either take the bus or get picked up at the front of the school, either way I couldnt get up there cuz I had to leave and give my friends a ride to their house...I would have told them to wait, but I had made the plans before hand, so I couldnt. Ill call her tonight or tomorrow... Fucking Andy is so gay...my brother...I have to bring him back to school again...bastard, he should just stay there and not come home...it would be more cost-efficient for me having to buy the gas and not being reembersed for it...fuck it, I dont care... 4 scars| stab me

hmmmmm...what do you think? [12 Mar 2002|03:43pm] [ mood | blank ] I was told today that if you want to go out with someone, age shouldn't matter. I personally agree with this fact on most occasions...but it's different when your talking about the difference between high school and college. Let me explain...there is this chick, and Erin told me to ask her out. Ok, sounds like a normal plan...but when she graduates high school, I will be in college, and maybe even out of college and with a job...I see this as a problem. I mean, I've always believed that if you like someone enough to start a relationship with them, it shouldn't matter about age and what-not. I dont know...I should, and I know we both like each other...I just think that I have a fear of, I suppose, another bad thing happening...and I don't want that to happen again. But it is inevitable, seeing as how I'm still young and it may be awhile before I find 'the right girl'...and there will be people before that. But on the other hand, she may be that person, and if I don't at least try, I may miss my chance. But I also thought this before......... Well, I guess Im writing this to ask what everyone thinks. And even if I get a hundred replies to this, it won't really affect my decision, but I at least want to hear the opinions of other people for the sheer fact that I'm interested in what other people think on the subject. Das Ende. 3 scars| stab me

Ein was f?r langweiliger, langweiliger Tag [11 Mar 2002|07:13pm] [ mood | bored ] Heutiger Tag war ein sehr langweiliger Tag. Ich sa? herum an der Schule, dann ich kam nach Hause. Ich erhielt mein ?l ge?ndert, dann ich ging nach Hause. Jetzt nehme ich einen Bruch von der Forschung zu schreibe dieses. Ich mu? erl?schen und etwas tun. Ich werde aus meinem Kopf heraus gebohrt. Das Ende. stab me

ZZZzzzZZzZZZzzZZZ...... [10 Mar 2002|08:49pm] [ mood | restless ] im tired...i think im going to do something i havent done in a while and go to sleep before 11pm...today sucked anyways, no point making the day longer than it already has been...i had to get up at 7:30 this morning to go to work, and i had no other prep guys until around 9:15...so we were behind...then the other people that came in were mexicans (mexicans = no english = hard to communicate) so we couldnt get anything done...ugh...but...it was pretty slow so it went pretty fast...that may not make sense, but it did...we had no business and so i was off of the line and doing prep the whole time, then i got to go... ...and i had to put air in my tire because, i think what happened was the other day i was heading home from school...and i had just dropped Cary off at the library in fuquay...and i was at the light at the gas station and the asshole in front of me was in the middle/right part of the lane...and he was turning left...so i said 'fuck this waiting around shit', mainly because i was being impatient and didnt want to wait through another light, and i went off-road around him, through the ditch thing, across the road, through the other ditch, and back onto the street...i think it was the 2nd ditch that got me...it had rocks and shit in it...i dunno...my tire seems fine now...but i still need to get my oil changed...i need to call jackie so she can go with me and we can see this guy we know and get a discount...i need more money...bleh...well time to go...sleep is needed for me to be able to wake up tomorrow and go to another day of......school...fuck... but on a lighter note, i dont have to work at all this week, so if anyone wants to go and do something, im all for it...i hate sitting around my house...its so fucking boring...id go do stuff...but the people i want to go with are either working, or not in the mood to go do anything...bleh again...the end. stab me

well... [08 Mar 2002|04:15pm] [ mood | tired ] it seems that i havent updated in a while...or maybe i have...i cant remember...but im not going to go and check, so were going to say i havent... once upon a time...umm...nothing new has happened really...two chicks want my body...i dont know...one of them is cool, but i dont want to date her, the other is also cool...i dont know...all i know is that the first girl is apparently "in love" ::cough::bullshit::cough cough:: with me(so say her friends), and the other wants to "fuck me 'till i pass out"(so say herself-and yes, she was being serious)...well...unless you people havent figured this out-i dont fuck around...if im going to do something with someone, its going to mean something...if she wants to fuck me 'till i pass out, we are going to have to date and all that...and i dont know...it seems that, except for one, all the girls i like/like me seem to be too young/etc... i hate being almost 19 in a world full of young people...i mean, neither of them act like their young...they act like me...(nobody say a word about that comment...i may act immature sometimes...but its not how i think/act alone/etc...), and you wouldnt be able to tell if they were younger then me by looking at them...but there is the whole 'im graduating in may and your not going to for 1-2 years' thing...oh well...i guess im going to be alone for a little while longer...i wish i wasnt...but im not getting into that area anymore, no need to dwell... but hell, im still young, im still at high school...i may go out with her(the second one...the first one i said i dont want to date...)...but it wouldnt last too long unless we are really good together..............nevermind, i started thinking again...i mean, i may/will be going to school within the next year and i wont be able to see her during the day and if i get night classes like i want then i wouldnt see her at all except on weekends...and we both work...so...i guess well see how it goes in the end...fuck...i wish i could go one day without hearing things like 'i want to fuck your brains out' and things like that(ok, so im a guy and supposedly guys never get tired of hearing that, and so its always the same girl...but its getting very frustrating now...)...ugh...just one day where i dont have to think about anything...1 day where i can go to school and block out all that stuff and just be apathetic and chill out and go to work and be not tired and so on...oh well...i guess girls cant control themselves around me............ok, you may laugh at that one... i guess im done for this entry...ill try to write more often...if im not busy passing out...ha ha ha...eh... oh yeah and i saw jackie and i think erin on the way home from work...i didnt work but i thought i was on at 4 when i was relly on at 6(that was great), so i came home...thats all...the end. note: im not using names because some people i know may know them and i dont want this stuff getting back to them...i would want them to hear it from me and not other people...if you really want to know, ask me at school/e~mail or something and i may tell you who they are...the end again. stab me

hmm... [02 Mar 2002|02:11pm] [ mood | amused ] well...i had a somewhat good eavening last night...the only reason it wasnt good was because i couldnt go to the show...fuck...but, instead me and jackie went to waffle house for coffee...then later we went to rocky (i know i said i would never go there, but she wanted to so i figured i would go to see what it was like...i was curious)...it was fun, not that im going to go back there soon, but i would like to go back there sometime...its not going to become a 'regular' thing for me, just once in a while...some of the people there were cool...and i know that the vast majority of them are in fact druggies and carriers of std's and shit(a little birdie that told me so...), but i dont do drugs and i dont fuck around, so its ok as long as i dont get sucked in to the drugs and the sex and all that...i mean what am i a teenage male or something? heh...anyways...all i have to worry about is some cracked out mother fucker that thinks im too loud or something and tries to shoot me...but, oh well...but just talking to them and hanging around with them, it was ok...and jackie was there so it was better than it probably would have been .........(because i knew someone alse that was there, you know?)...oh well...well see how it goes, but i am going to go back there...at least i know why she wants to go there sometimes...i had this impression of people fucking against the wall and drug dealers peddling their wares to underaged children and so on...but it wasnt like that at all...just a bunch of 20-something's hanging around the front of a theater talking...it was alright...but...i feel kind of bad...i was supposed to go to a movie with kim and some people, but i was just too tired this morning...i could even call her, that how tired i was...but, ill talk to her and make it up to her somehow...well go this week or something...i hope shes not mad, i hate it when girls are mad at me...it eats away at me until im just like "are you mad at me? tell me..." all blunt like that...but i cant help it...like ive said before, girls should never be sad or angry...well angry is ok, but sad...it should happen...but that just me i guess...some guys make girls sad on purpose and it makes me sick and like i want to grab a 2x4 with a rusty nail in the and...nevermind...you get the idea...i dont like it...well, this is where the entry comes to a close...and also where i get a shower 'cuz i got my hair cut and its annoying the shit out of my neck right now...g'nite(ill probably sleep too, so yes, g'nite)... stab me

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck [01 Mar 2002|08:54pm] fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck 2 scars| stab me

fucking piece of shit bastards, they can all die!!! [01 Mar 2002|04:54pm] [ mood | pissed off ] fuck!!!! i was SUPPOSED to go and see Dave Attell perform tonight at a comedy club (Charlie Goodnights), but since i couldnt reserve my seats until my manager was sure he could get me out of working, when i called they were fucking all sold out...those mother fuckers at my work are fucking assholes...i even told them before the schedule was made, but he was like 'its only a request, not a promise'...fuck him and his bastard ass...shit...i should have reserved them anyways...and the worst part was that i was going to bring jackie and we had made plans to go and everything, then the bitch on the phone was like 'the only show that isnt sold out is the sat. at midnight show'...fuck that, i cant go to that although i really fucking want to...i may go anyways...but jackie wont be able to go, her parents wouldnt let her, i dont think...but, i wasnt supposed to go to tonites 12 o'clock show either (living at home is a bitch), but i could convince them to let me go, but i wont, cuz im going out with jackie tonite anyways, so im not telling my parents it was sold out, then i wouldnt be able to go tomorrow...fucking...fuck...and he is so fucking cool, too...arrgghh!!!...fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck...ok, im done now...i need to smoke.........fuck. 1 scar| stab me

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